Cuomo for mayor – an open letter to the governor

Dear Andrew, 

The war with Bill de Blasio is getting out of control.

New Yorkers I know are scratching their collective heads. They don’t get it. After all, in spite of his hitherto lackluster tenure at Gracie, deep inside de Blasio is a very nice guy. He likes to sleep in, shake hands and slap backs and make promises – a dyed-in-the-wool people pleaser. He’s sweet to everybody. Even to people who don’t like him, such as you!

The press, the public and political junkies are baffled by it all.

But it makes sense to me.

In your case, I think it goes back to when you were El Jefe Grande at HUD. De Blasio, as it were, was both your student and your opening act. Indeed, It was you, Andrew, who gave him his big break. You helped make him what he is today!

And does de Blasio show any gratitude? No! He has the nerve to insult and upstage you with all sorts of proposals of his own without the advice and consent of his creator. Oh, the horror!

But even while marching to the beat of his own progressive drum, de Blasio’s come up with some pretty good ideas. That universal pre-K idea is turning out all right. He’s frozen rents for many people in the city. And he’s fought the good fight on the homeless crisis and raising the minimum wage – wildly popular and progressive ideas.

And since you have managed to co-opt all of the above proposals as if they originated in your mind, why not toss your crown into the ring against de Blasio for mayor of New York City in 2017? No, I haven’t had a relapse. I did some research and it appears there is nothing in the law that would prevent you from doing such a thing.

It would be a great story, which is the least you could do for the Albany press corps, who have sat around like prisoners seeking a pardon waiting for news that isn’t pre-packaged by your press secretary (or you). They’ve been left high and dry since Paterson blew town. Your press conferences have become less common than sightings of Bigfoot or Haley’s Comet. It’s safe to say the LCA would root for you to win and get out of town for a while.

Beating de Blasio is not going to be easy. He’ll have the Working Families Party nomination locked up, and I can’t see you or anyone else beating him in a Democratic primary. Especially you. The Democrats who held their nose and voted for you in 2014 against Zephyr Teachout and a certain irritating comic were muscled into it by their union leaders after you cut some last-minute contract deals.

But who needs the Democratic nomination? Republicans have won five out of the last six mayoral elections. You will have no problem getting the GOP nomination. They owe you. Without you they would never have controlled the state Senate for the past five years, giving them the ability to block all of your own progressive proposals that you never really wanted to pass anyway, but get kudos for trying.

I hope you take my advice, governor. And I hope you win! Not because you are a great governor or would be a great mayor, I have selfish reasons. I am back to doing what I love – political impressions. For the life of me, I can’t do a Bill de Blasio impression. I have tried to capture his faux Brooklyn by way of Massachusetts accent, to no avail. But I do a wicked Andrew Cuomo. It’s one of my best voices. So, for the sake of your revenge on de Blasio, and the sake of my career, do me a favor – throw your hat in the ring and “save the city.”

Good luck, governor – I mean, Hizzoner. 

Randy Credico is a comedian and former 2014 gubernatorial candidate.